DATING HARRY

                    "Shrimp are not shellfish"










     FADE IN

     EXT. A PLEASANT, SUNNY, CITY PARK IN SUMMER – AFTERNOON.
     
     HARRY, a 5-foot 6-inch, slightly balding, 35-year-old on the
     skinny side, and KELLIE, a pretty 39-year-old blond, the same
     size and shape as Harry, are on a gravel path walking slowly
     beside one another but not too close.  They are talking.  He 
     is rather more animated than she, turning toward her often,
     gesticulating.  She looks down or straight ahead most of the
     time.  Audio fades in on their conversation in progress.

                           HARRY
               What does that even mean 'Our lives 
               are too different'?  Different from 
               what?

                           KELLIE
               Not 'what'.  'Who'.

                           HARRY
               What?

                           KELLIE
               No. 'Who'. Different from whose.

                           HARRY
               'Whose'?  Fine.  Different from whose, 
               then?

                           KELLIE
               From each other's.

                           HARRY
               What are you talking about?  We're 
               both human beings.  We both breathe 
               air.  Look!  We're both bipeds.  
               We've got opposable thumbs.  C'mon, 
               you wanna thumb-wrestle?  You wanna 
               thumb-wrestle right now?!  Bring it 
               on.

                           KELLIE
               That's not what I mean.

                           HARRY
               But I should warn you, I'm double 
               jointed in my right hand. 

                           KELLIE
                     (laughs slightly)
               That's not what I mean. Be serious.

                           HARRY
               I'm being serious.  How different 
               can our lives possibly be?  We're 
               both people.  We sleep.  We work.  
               We eat-- Okay, so I'm not as big a 
               fan of shellfish as you, but we can 
               get past that.

                           KELLIE
               You need solitude.  I have none of 
               that in my life.  I'm always super 
               busy and have a million things going 
               on and, honestly, I love it that way.  
               My schedule would crush you!

                           HARRY
               Your schedule?  What is this?  Am I 
               interviewing to be your personal 
               assistant? 

                           KELLIE
               Be serious.

                           HARRY
               What does it matter if you're busy?  
               So be busy.

                           KELLIE
               We could keep going out.  And it 
               would be fun.  But eventually it 
               wouldn't go anywhere. 

                           HARRY
               I don't understand this.  After one 
               date?  We go on one date and already 
               it's 'our lives are too different'?  
               I've known you a week! 

                           KELLIE
               I'm just thinking ahead.  Down the 
               road a bit.

                           HARRY
               A bit?  I need a map to find you.  
               You know, if you were a hearse driver 
               the burial would be very lightly 
               attended, let me tell you.  You'd lose 
               the whole procession in traffic.

     An elderly couple shuffles silently by in the other direction.
     KELLIE watches them.  HARRY doesn't notice.

                           KELLIE
               What's the point of continuing if it's
               obviously not going to work?  I mean, 
               I still feel young but, you know, I'll 
               be eligible for AARP in a few years 
               and I can't spend months and months--

                           HARRY
               AARP?  You're 39!

                           KELLIE
               I can't be spending months on someone 
               who isn't going to work out.

                           HARRY
               Okay.  I admit.  We have different 
               lives, for sure.  I mean, you've got 
               three kids and run a restaurant.  I'm 
               a writer.  I do need some solitude.  
               But you recognize that.  See?  We 
               understand each other.  Even after only
               a week.  That should count for 
               something.

                           KELLIE
               Some solitude!?  What did you do 
               yesterday?

                           HARRY
               Yesterday?  I-I worked.  Why?

                           KELLIE
               Did you see another human being 
               yesterday?

     They pass a filthy bum sleeping under some news papers on a
     park bench.  HARRY stares at him as they go by.  KELLIE 
     doesn't notice.

                           HARRY
                     (distracted)
               What?...  Of course--

                           KELLIE
               Who?

                           HARRY
               Jeez! What're you, gunning for 
               Guantanamo's Employee of the Month 
               here?

                           KELLIE
               Who!?

                           HARRY
               Well... there was... Mrs. Papaiak. 
               When I went down to get the mail--

                           KELLIE
               Did you talk to her?

                           HARRY
               Talk?  Are you crazy?  To Mrs. Papaiak?  
               The woman's got enough grandkids to 
               warrant their own representative in
               congress.  And half of them seem to 
               be aspiring writers.  She's always 
               got a script somewhere in her 
               apartment for me to read.  The rest 
               are apparently all obstetricians who 
               just delivered twins in a Starbucks 
               last week and 'wouldn't I like to 
               read the clipping'.  The New England 
               Journal of Medicine should be very
               interested in this Moca Java induced 
               preemie spike, let me tell you. 

                           KELLIE
               So you didn't even talk to one person
               yesterday.

                           HARRY
               Talk?  No.  I feigned laryngitis 
               and took the stairs back up.

                           KELLIE
               Be serious.  I'll bet you didn't 
               even utter one word out loud 
               yesterday, did you?

                           HARRY
               This is ridiculous--

                           KELLIE
               Did you?

                           HARRY
               Who keeps track of things like that? 

                           KELLIE
               My point is, you wouldn't be able to
               function in my world.  How would you 
               be able to concentrate with a 
               teenager, an 8-year-old and a toddler
               running around?

                           HARRY
               This is nuts.  One date and your kids
               are already crashing at my place on 
               the weekends.

                           KELLIE
               Down the road.

                           HARRY
               Down the road?  I don't know.  I'd... 
               buy a Nintendo. 

                           KELLIE
               Nintendo?  Harry, you don't even 
               have a TV.

                           HARRY
               Doesn't it come with one?

     A bicycle rider temporarily separates them with a ding of her
     bell from behind.

                           KELLIE
               Listen, I think the world of you.  
               You're truly a wonderful guy...

                           HARRY
               Oh here we go.

                           KELLIE
               What?  I'm being sincere.

                           HARRY
               I don't doubt it.

                           KELLIE
               What does that mean?

                           HARRY
               I'm a 'wonderful guy'.  You 'think 
               the world of me'.  But no second 
               date.  That always means the same 
               thing.

                           KELLIE
               Oh, now you know what I'm thinking?  
               After a week?

                           HARRY
               Hey, you tell me.  You go out with a
               wonderful guy who you think the 
               world of and he's attractive?  
               Automatic second date.  Probably 
               third and fourth, too.

                           KELLIE
                     (indignant)
               What does that mean?

                           HARRY
               Don't get me wrong.  I appreciate the
               attempt to save my feelings.  Very 
               kind of you.

                           KELLIE
               Oh.  C'mon.  You're attractive.

                           HARRY
               Uh-uh.  Sorry.  Attractive, wonderful 
               guy.  Automatic second date.  
               Unattractive, wonderful guy? 'Our 
               lives are too different'.

                           KELLIE
               What do you want?  You wanna go out 
               again?  Is that what you want?  Fine.  
                     (mechanically) 
               What are you doing Friday night?

                           HARRY
               Ohhh no.  No pity date.  Are you 
               kidding?  What kind of disaster of
               awkwardness would that be?

                           KELLIE
               So what then?

                           HARRY
               So nothing.  I called your bluff 
               and that's that. 

                           KELLIE
               What's that?

                           HARRY
               'What's that'. That's that.

                           KELLIE
               I don't think I was bluffing.  How 
               was I bluffing?

                           HARRY
               You had a weak rejection hand and I 
               called it.

                           KELLIE
               I did not have a weak rejection hand.  
               I have a strong rejection hand.

                           HARRY
                     (confused)
               Well... whatever.  But I called it.  
               I called you on it.

                           KELLIE
               So you called it.  Have it your way.
               
                     (silence for a few steps)
 
                           HARRY
               See how we're already bickering? 
               After only a week?  We're made for 
               each other.  Shellfish or no shellfish.

                           KELLIE
                     (smiles)
               I keep telling you.  Shrimp are not
               shellfish.

                           HARRY
               I don't know how you can eat shrimp 
               in the Midwest.  Practically the only 
               bodies of water around are irrigation
               ditches and runoff channels...

                           KELLIE
               It's all flown in on ice.

                           HARRY
               You mean like organ donations... On 
               the plane right next to the kidney 
               cooler.

     Audio fade out as they walk on down the path away from fixed 
     camera.
     
     FADE TO BLACK

     ...