Travelogue


Utah–Day 1: "Getting there"

3:50am – Rise and shine in IC. Bags already packed and by door last night. Best prep ever for a trip. No frantic morning laundry load.

4:40am – Head out to the airport.

5:10am – Take off shoes for security gauntlet. Successfully get through detector with cell phone in pocket. (Was that thing even on?)

5:15am – Wait in terminal for flight. This would be a great place for a couple ping-pong tables. If only I owned an airport.

6:15am – On the plane now. What's that noise? A power de-icing wash? Do they make those for cars? Sounds violently refreshing. It would make a good shower head: "Not sold in stores. The only deep pore-cleansing, exfoliating shower head on the market. No soap needed. Eliminates those annoying top dozen epidermal layers leaving you feeling fresh and ready to tackle the morning. (Avoid contact with eyes and genitals.)"

6:23am – In the air. "I'll have orange juice please. Yes the whole can, please."

6:45am – "A refill? Um, sure."

7:10am – Oh boy. Gotta go. How long to Denver? Maybe I can make it. C'mon, you can do it. Pretend you're a secret agent. Those guys never have to use the toilet. What am I saying? They're in the bathroom in every movie, assembling a pistol from their PDA, hiding or retrieving hidden microfilm in the soap dispenser, etc. Obviously that's when they go.

7:40am – Nope. Not gonna make it. Better go hide the microfilm before pilot says we can't.

7:42am – In airplane lavatory. Ahhhh. Much better. Hey it's kinda nice back here. More leg room. Uh-oh. Feels like we're going down. What was that the captain said? You can't hear shit in here (I guess that's the idea). I'd better get back to my seat. How does this thing flush? Why isn't it flushing. Maybe you have to hold the handle down. No. still not flushing. Maybe it just releases everything into the atmosphere and we're too low? Is that how it works? I don't think that's how it works. What was that sound?! Was that the landing gear?! Okay there's nothing I can do about it except... close the lid.

8:00am(MT) – Land in Denver. Ooo! Pretty mountains! Damn! Forgot my camera! Oh well. They're only mountains. And small ones at that. I mean it's not like they're the Himalayas or anything.

8:20am – Leave Denver. Hop over the mountains. Think about how they're just tiny wrinkles in the Earth's thin crust forming as the continents bump into each other at speeds of a few centimeters a year, pushed around by the fluid rock mantle. Then think about being a little person swooshing around on them. How insignificant biology is compared to geology. Are the two really different? Arguably only on the timescales involved in the transformation of matter from one form into another. I think it was Creighton in The Andromeda Strain, who said something like 'rocks could be thought of as just slow life.'

"Huh? Oh, yes. Orange juice please. The whole can? Um..."

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